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America wants to ban zen magnets

You think an unlimited supplies of pistols, rifles and pretty much any weapon available is dangerous? Pal, you know nothing about the true threat to land of the free!The real menace ain’t high-quality armaments, it’s those tiny, magnetic balls which you can use to relieve stress and be creative, zen magnets! And America don’t take kindly to no zen!Uncle Sam has the beloved toy in his sights right now, claiming that the ”ongoing harm to children from ingested magnets” has resulted in the USCPSC voting to sue the manufacturer out of existence.

When two or more magnets are swallowed, they can pinch or trap the intestinal walls or other digestive tissue between them resulting in acute and long-term health consequences.

Magnets that attract through the intestines result in progressive tissue injury. Such conditions can lead to infection, sepsis and possibly death.

Medical professionals may not be aware of the dangers posed by ingestion and the corresponding need for immediate medical intervention in such cases, exacerbating the life-threatening internal injuries.

Egads, swallowing harmful metal objects, and quite possibly dying? Why, you’d have to be rather mentally deficient to do so if you happen to be at an advanced age already!

The complaint alleges that the Commission has received reports of tweens and teenagers using similar products to mimic piercings of the tongue, lip or cheek which have resulted in incidents where the product is unintentionally inhaled and swallowed.

Zen magnets then released a statement denying that their product has ever hurt anyone, intentionally at least, while also listing numerous letters wherein fans pleaded with the government to actually listen to their concerns for once, shifting the blame to other deadly toys instead;

Meanwhile, there will be about 100,000 injuries every year in the United States due to backyard trampolines which require Emergency Room treatment, and trampolines are marketed to children.

The United States has over 5,000 childhood gun related deaths in a year. 30 American children will die from drowning in Buckets every year. And there have been more skateboard fatalities in 1 year than magnet sphere related injuries in 3.

Also, Nerf guns. According to reports, thousands die every day due to an allergic reaction to foam darts being shot down their throats [citation needed].

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  • Tracy Benson

    Here’s a thought… don’t eat a magnet. Or is that really difficult?

    • Geoffrey Tim

      LOL. “don;t eat a magnet” Never thought I’d ever have to read those words.

      • Tracy Benson

        Never thought I’d have to type them!

  • Erwin Kempff


  • Stephen Bishop

    i play with my magnets every day at work… no way in hell is uncle sam taking them from me… tell him to jsut try and i will force him to eat 2 of these bad boys.

    • Darryn_Bonthuys


  • Slade Boender

    Yeah it seems the polarity of the US’s argument is going south… trolololol

  • Craig Allen Salter

    Me thinks they were trying to make themselves more “Attractive” LOL

  • Alex [SS] PsyChoPanthis

    Nerf guns… those buggers are evil….

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